Hey Everyone,
I am somewhat hesitant writing this and telling you about what I am about to tell you. I am hesitant partly because what I am about to tell you is so fresh, having happened in the last 24 hours, and partly because part me of thinks it is too good to be true. However, with this hesitation I am met with great faith, because I do not believe that this message could be kept in, or that this movement that I am going to tell you about could be stopped. The reason I believe this is because I am confident that this movement has not been started by the zeal of men, but by the zeal of God who I know can accomplish all things, especially this task (Isaiah 37:32).
As you most of you know God has really been moving in my life the past few months, and really rearranging everything. This journey has led me to Discipleship Training School (DTS) out in Denver, Colorado, where I am continuing to seek my calling from God on my life. I have been in the DTS for 4 weeks now, and every week God has been moving and doing great and amazing things, however it was this past week that I believe will be pivotal in not only my own life, but for history.
This past week my DTS took part in what is known as the Go! Conference in Youth With A Mission (YWAM). The Go! Conference is designed to do pretty much what it sounds like, to get people to go and serve. This year there were around 200 or so YWAMers present at the conference, and when you have that many people earnestly seeking and following Jesus Christ, something amazing is bound to happen, and it did!
On Thursday night one of the most annointed men that I have ever heard speak, taught at our last major session of the conference. His message was not unexpected. Everyone knew he was going to issue the call to go, but I do not think we realized how powerful that call would be. Fred challenged us, asking, pleading, that we would be the generation that rises and seeks God so hard that we would fulfill the Great Commission by making sure every unreached people group would receive the life giving gospel of Jesus Christ, which is not all that new. Until he told us that he believes that we can do it, and hopes that we will.
He then went on and told us about places of strategic missions in the world, and showed us key spots where missionaries need to be, in order to prevent a major set back of the spreading of the gospel for centuries. The 6 locations were the eastern cities of China and their leaders, Northern India and the Himalayas, Central Asia, Iran, the entire continent of Europe, and a line that goes across Africa known as the Sahel belt, and this belt is important because it divides the Northern Muslim countries of Africa from the Christian southern countries of Africa, and the line is slowly being pushed south by Muslim missionaries. He then went on an explained the strategic significance of each of those areas, and then issued a call to go and win the world for Jesus.
After this dynamic presentation Ian, a good friend of mine, and I went back to our room, and knew that God was calling us to pray because He had something big in store for us. Part of the reason we thought this was because we were on historic ground. You see there have been 3 major missionary movements in the history of the church. The first was the 1st centuries church rapid expansion into through Christ's disciples. The second came through Count Zizendorf and the Moravians, and the thrid was the student volunteer movement which received a major push in Estes Park, Colorado at the YMCA, the very place where our conference was being held. Ian and I walk back to the room and knew that we had to pray. So, we invited the guys of our DTS to a night prayer to seek out the Lord and to respond to this calling on behalf of our generation. And we begin to pray as a body of guys that God would show us what He had planned and what He desired for the conference.
That is exactly what God did! 20 minutes into our prayer God speaks to a couple of us, and clearly tells us that he wants to start the 4th major missionary movement, and that he wanted to start that movement at that conference, with us. Now we realized that we were emotional and excited from the amazing challenge that Fred had issued us, so we continued to pray, but soon we found our self praying door by door for every person in our dorm building. Then we were led outside and went and prayed building by building asking God to come and set the stage for a radical mission movement to be begin, and to spread from the YMCA of the Rockies in Estes Park. As we are praying for all of this we are completely baffled by what is going on, and we knew that we had to get leadership, but by this time it was 1:30 in the morning and we were almost positive that all of them would be asleep. But we went anyway to their rooms hoping God would lead us to a leader so they could confirm or calm us down. So, we ending go to the building where all of the leadership are sleeping and to make a long story short God leads us without any knowledge of where his room is, to Fred Markert's room. We share with him our story and what we think God is doing, and then he prayed for us, and said I believe in your generation and I have hope that it starts with you. After that Fred writes his email on a random piece of a paper so we could email him to get the resources of his presentation that he gave that night. In order that we could go out and spread that as well to mobilize a force of people to spread God's gospel to the ends of the earth.
We then go back to the room wondering still if this is really happening, and we pray that if this is really what God is trying to do to put the entire leadership on board with this idea of a great mission movement with out us even talking to them. When we get back to the room we begin to pray that God would give each of us direction and to strategically place us in his mission field based on what Fred had shared with us. As we are doing that I open up the paper Fred had given me, and it was a welcome letter from the conference staff, and on that paper were a set of prayer points. The fourth point down said that the staff believed that this conference was going to launch the fourth major mission movement into the world. And we realized that God had been working this plan out even before He had told us, and that this was not just us, but that the zeal of the Lord was ready to take back His earth.
We woke up Friday and went and shared are story with a staff member named Amos, and he told us we had to share this story with the rest of the conference. And that is exactly what we did, and God showed up and responded in such an amazing way. It started by Ian and I sharing the testimony from Thursday night. After that all of the guys who prayed that night together were called to come forward 11 in total. God then spoke to Brian Hoganm, a missionary from Mongolia and current church planting coach, and said to him, I used 11 guys once. I gave them the Great Comission, and here are 11 guys who am I giving it to again and who are going to lead the way to help fulfill it. We then received word that our intercession for Juarez, Mexico was working, and that God had placed his hand over the city, so that no murders would occur in a city where it averages 7 a day. On Thursday, there were none, and we asked God for a week, and we believe he will do more than that. Then the entire conference was called up front and laid on hands on the 11 and annoinuted us to go and become this movement. Then God used us and the staff to annoint the rest of the conference to the same. God went from moblizing 11 to almost 200 people in 12 hours, and with that growth rate just imagine what he can do. Once we had prayed for one another we began to network to see this mission come true, and for those of us who felt called to Africa we started a team of around 20 committed people who are going to go and strengthen and push back the Sahel Belt for Christ. Then the coolest thing is God started to heal his people through the prayers of one another, so that He could send out an army that was whole and lacking in nothing. And it is continuing to grow and more teams are being formed even as we speak. October 30, 2009 is going to be a special day in history when God mobilized a few to share a message that mobilized millions for His kingdom.
I am writing to you this story because I want to extend the invitation to you. Throughout the Bible God commanded his people to go more than 8,000 times, and he is waiting for his people to stop waiting for a greenlight because he already gave them 8,000 greenlights and He just wants us to go and wait for a red one. So, I am inviting you come with me. Come on this journey let us strategically fight for God's kingdom here on earth. Billions of people are dying and they have never heard of the name of Jesus, and that is the greatest injustice that we can change. So, if you have tasted of the goodness and sweetness of Christ would you come, would you share that message with me wherever God calls you.
I and all of those who already accepted the calling of seeing our generation fulfill the Great Commission need help spreading this message. You can help this movement grow in so many ways. You could pray that this does not die down, but that it keeps it zeal and vibrance and becomes everything I just told you it can be. You could also open up your churches, schools, or any place where we can come and share this message of God's strategic mission in the world. You could support someone who has received the call and going. We cannot do this on our own. Must of us who accepted the calling our poor kids who need support and guidance and need to be sent. So, would you send us? Finally you can come with us, and literally change and claim the world for Christ.
God has started the next major mission movement in church history. The only question that is left, is, will you stand up and be part of it?
Matt
P.S. - we are hoping to produce a video testimony of the evening with Ian and I to post on youtube, so that others can hear our story and receive the call and invitation that Christ has given us, so that can join with us and realize this is the movement that God has been stirring in all of our hearts. Let us not shrink back in a time such as this. We are hoping to do that in the next few weeks, and will send out emails when it is done!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Is the church boring?
In church today God communicated to me a message through our speaker that I believe every one needs to hear, especially the church. He was talking about unleashing the next generation, and the adults part in fueling the up and coming generation, however while that is very true that is not the point that I believe God was telling me.
It is no secret that when you look at around the churches today in America many of are anemic and dying. They just are not attractive. In fact, must of them are just down right boring. People would rather sleep than wake up and encounter their Lord and Savior in worship. Those who do come many of them fall asleep or teeter on the point of it. Yawns have become almost an integral of background music. As a result, millions of people are chasing the world for excitement and life, and they are dying in the process. Jesus has become this boring teacher who is just their to teach them philosophical principles and morals about life. Church has simply become a meeting to discuss and talk, which is not all bad, but when that is the essence of church something is wrong.
Jesus did not create his church to be in meetings every day, and that is why when people come into the church today it is boring because that is not who we are. Instead God created his church to be on a mission, and not just any mission but a rescue mission behind enemy lines. And that is exciting, and when people hear that story there lives are captivated, but they cannot just hear about it they need to experience it. They need to see that Jesus was not some lame Rabbi who just sat around talking all day. They need to see that Jesus is a majestic king leading them into battle to fight the forces of evil, rescuing those who are still held captive. God's church is on a bonethrilling mission that leads us all to the dark places. It is not safe. It is not boring. It is dangerous. It is life-giving. It is exciting.
When will the church learn this? When will they stop trying to be safe? Christ died on the cross. He went through the worst pain imaginable to save the world, so that we may have an example on what needs to be done so that He can save everyone else through else. We cannot be safe! When will the church break down its walls and take its people to the dark places, allowing God to provide and protect and stop living in fear. When will the church start preaching about the mission God set us on. When will they start preaching the story that people are dying to hear and be captivated by. People want to live a life with a purpose that is bigger than themselves and this world, and Christianity has the best news for them, because God gave us a mission not a meeting time.
The church is slowly dying and wishing for revival. But the church will never experience this revival. It will not become vibrant until it trades in its meeting times for a mission. And the church, this entity, cannot change until its people do. For in fact the church is the people. Do you have a mission? Has God shown you, your objectives? Are you looking for them? If you don't and you aren't there is something wrong. But that can all change. All you have to do is reach up to God, talk to him, listen to him, and he will gladly give you a purpose, an objective, that will excite you and make you wake up each morning asking for more. He wants you to be excited for life. And so do I. You were created for mission, not for meetings, meetings may be part of mission, but they are from the whole thing. You do not have to be bored any more. Christ's went to the dark places and lived an exciting to give us an example to show us what true life was. Let us follow his example. Let us leave our church for the dark places.
Most of you who are reading this sent me, and now I am returning the favor. Go! Fulfill the mission. Baptize the nations in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and teach them all that Christ's has commanded you, thereby making disciples. People are dying, and you through Christ could be there rescue. That is exciting!
It is no secret that when you look at around the churches today in America many of are anemic and dying. They just are not attractive. In fact, must of them are just down right boring. People would rather sleep than wake up and encounter their Lord and Savior in worship. Those who do come many of them fall asleep or teeter on the point of it. Yawns have become almost an integral of background music. As a result, millions of people are chasing the world for excitement and life, and they are dying in the process. Jesus has become this boring teacher who is just their to teach them philosophical principles and morals about life. Church has simply become a meeting to discuss and talk, which is not all bad, but when that is the essence of church something is wrong.
Jesus did not create his church to be in meetings every day, and that is why when people come into the church today it is boring because that is not who we are. Instead God created his church to be on a mission, and not just any mission but a rescue mission behind enemy lines. And that is exciting, and when people hear that story there lives are captivated, but they cannot just hear about it they need to experience it. They need to see that Jesus was not some lame Rabbi who just sat around talking all day. They need to see that Jesus is a majestic king leading them into battle to fight the forces of evil, rescuing those who are still held captive. God's church is on a bonethrilling mission that leads us all to the dark places. It is not safe. It is not boring. It is dangerous. It is life-giving. It is exciting.
When will the church learn this? When will they stop trying to be safe? Christ died on the cross. He went through the worst pain imaginable to save the world, so that we may have an example on what needs to be done so that He can save everyone else through else. We cannot be safe! When will the church break down its walls and take its people to the dark places, allowing God to provide and protect and stop living in fear. When will the church start preaching about the mission God set us on. When will they start preaching the story that people are dying to hear and be captivated by. People want to live a life with a purpose that is bigger than themselves and this world, and Christianity has the best news for them, because God gave us a mission not a meeting time.
The church is slowly dying and wishing for revival. But the church will never experience this revival. It will not become vibrant until it trades in its meeting times for a mission. And the church, this entity, cannot change until its people do. For in fact the church is the people. Do you have a mission? Has God shown you, your objectives? Are you looking for them? If you don't and you aren't there is something wrong. But that can all change. All you have to do is reach up to God, talk to him, listen to him, and he will gladly give you a purpose, an objective, that will excite you and make you wake up each morning asking for more. He wants you to be excited for life. And so do I. You were created for mission, not for meetings, meetings may be part of mission, but they are from the whole thing. You do not have to be bored any more. Christ's went to the dark places and lived an exciting to give us an example to show us what true life was. Let us follow his example. Let us leave our church for the dark places.
Most of you who are reading this sent me, and now I am returning the favor. Go! Fulfill the mission. Baptize the nations in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and teach them all that Christ's has commanded you, thereby making disciples. People are dying, and you through Christ could be there rescue. That is exciting!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The Father Heart of God!
I am a child of God! Say that with me. Really where every you are, no matter who is around, just say out aloud, "I am a child of God!" Who knows someone next to you my need to hear that. These words have changed my life. When you confess that you are a child of God, so much changes, because when you are a child of God you are given so much. You are told that God is pleased with you. He gives you hope. He gives you strength. He gives you power, and he makes you an heir to His kingdom. But the best gift that you get when you are a child of God, is that you are able to hear and discern the voice of you Father, and when you hear his voice it takes you too a place beyond words.
This week this was the topic of my classes. Every day God was telling me that I was his child and that with me He was well pleased, and it brought healing to me in so many areas that I did not even know were hurting. He showed my that I was worthy. He showed me that I was forgiven, and he showed me that I was provided for. Although the entire week I was searching guidance, I was seeking a word from God that I could not ignore and doubt. Then came our last class, but it was not really a class, as much as it was an invitation by every staff person and student to invite the Holy Spirit to come in to our hearts, illuminating the Father heart, to wreck our hearts for him, and that is exactly what he did.
I started out the time by asking a simple question that God had communicated to me through Marty to ask every day. Lord, what do you have for me right now. I started praying and listening and I heard nothing. I kept praying and pursuing but I could not hear anything, and I was started to get upset. Then I realized that with that frustration I would never be able to hear God, so I set it at the foot of the cross the best that I knew how, and then subtly, I heard him say kneel down and give me everything that you have. So, I knelt down where I was at and prayed and quieted my heart, and I began to hear a faint voice, but it was still to soft for me to make out.
I began to pray my heart to God. Telling him how I wanted to serve him. How with in me there is this heart throbbing desire to shake the nations world wide. Then I thought I heard him say good because that is what I made you for, but immediately I thought that was pride and arrogance slipping in, so I threw it from my mind.
Then I opened up the scriptures to Ephesians 1: 15-18, and I began to read Paul's prayer for the Ephesians, and I got to verse 16 and I lost it. You see since I left First Baptist I have thought like I failed them, and that I disappointed and let down every one there. To be honest, I have felt like because of this choice I was disowned, although I cannot really tell you why I felt that, maybe it was a lie from the Enemy to separate me from my church. But I read these words that Paul gave thanks for the Ephesians and remembered them in their prayers, and God said this what your church has been doing for you since you left. They have thanked me for you and remembered you, and they are proud of you. They have not disowned you. They love you and are so proud of what you are doing for me. And when God told me that I broke down in tears and I went back down on my knees.
Tears are rolling down my face, and God says to me I am pleased with you too. I have this amazing plan for you, and I am going to use you to do amazing things, to lead the nations. And immediately I thought this is just what I wanted to hear, so I told God do not let this influence what Marty tells me when he comes over here to pray over me. Tell him what I need to hear, even if it he means he tells me that I am just going to stay home and never go to the nations. I just sat there crying and then Marty came over.
With oil in his hands Marty anoints me by the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and makes a cross on my forehead, and then stamps my hands as if they were the wounds on the cross, and he goes silent. He comes back and he says God has so much to tell you. And through Marty God told me 4 things that were my heart cries:
1.) You have been set apart by me since the beginning, and you can see that when you look around you, like the prophet Jeremiah I have set you apart in order to be a prophet to the nations.
2.) This may seem confusing because I have also given you the pastoral heart of Timothy
3.) With this heart you are going to bring healing and redemption into the lives of my people
4.) I want to give you every gift that you need. I want to give you all that I have. I will give you all of me. Just do not hold back from. If you give me all of you, I will give you all of me, and with that we will change the world.
This is such a high calling, but it was one that my hard longed for, and when Marty spoke those prophetic my heart jumped into a place of peace where I was giving everything over to him, and I was just balling. Then God started to show me he was not lying. He sent me to a friend here and I prayed for her, and she busted down in tears saying I have been praying that someone would speak those words to me all day that you just told me. And while we were praying she said this is the first day that she has been happy for so long she cannot remember. God was already using me to bring the healing he said I would. It was such an uplifting moment of confirmation.
The Father Heart of God desires to tell his people his desire for his children, and he praises when they rejoice in that calling. God wants to tell you his plans for your life, just like he did with me. You are his child, and with you he is well pleased. Don't hold back God wants to love you because you are his daughter or his son. And when he speaks to you like he has spoken to me he empowers you to live a life that you would have ever dreamed. The Father Heart of God is a heart that empowers and heals!
This week this was the topic of my classes. Every day God was telling me that I was his child and that with me He was well pleased, and it brought healing to me in so many areas that I did not even know were hurting. He showed my that I was worthy. He showed me that I was forgiven, and he showed me that I was provided for. Although the entire week I was searching guidance, I was seeking a word from God that I could not ignore and doubt. Then came our last class, but it was not really a class, as much as it was an invitation by every staff person and student to invite the Holy Spirit to come in to our hearts, illuminating the Father heart, to wreck our hearts for him, and that is exactly what he did.
I started out the time by asking a simple question that God had communicated to me through Marty to ask every day. Lord, what do you have for me right now. I started praying and listening and I heard nothing. I kept praying and pursuing but I could not hear anything, and I was started to get upset. Then I realized that with that frustration I would never be able to hear God, so I set it at the foot of the cross the best that I knew how, and then subtly, I heard him say kneel down and give me everything that you have. So, I knelt down where I was at and prayed and quieted my heart, and I began to hear a faint voice, but it was still to soft for me to make out.
I began to pray my heart to God. Telling him how I wanted to serve him. How with in me there is this heart throbbing desire to shake the nations world wide. Then I thought I heard him say good because that is what I made you for, but immediately I thought that was pride and arrogance slipping in, so I threw it from my mind.
Then I opened up the scriptures to Ephesians 1: 15-18, and I began to read Paul's prayer for the Ephesians, and I got to verse 16 and I lost it. You see since I left First Baptist I have thought like I failed them, and that I disappointed and let down every one there. To be honest, I have felt like because of this choice I was disowned, although I cannot really tell you why I felt that, maybe it was a lie from the Enemy to separate me from my church. But I read these words that Paul gave thanks for the Ephesians and remembered them in their prayers, and God said this what your church has been doing for you since you left. They have thanked me for you and remembered you, and they are proud of you. They have not disowned you. They love you and are so proud of what you are doing for me. And when God told me that I broke down in tears and I went back down on my knees.
Tears are rolling down my face, and God says to me I am pleased with you too. I have this amazing plan for you, and I am going to use you to do amazing things, to lead the nations. And immediately I thought this is just what I wanted to hear, so I told God do not let this influence what Marty tells me when he comes over here to pray over me. Tell him what I need to hear, even if it he means he tells me that I am just going to stay home and never go to the nations. I just sat there crying and then Marty came over.
With oil in his hands Marty anoints me by the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and makes a cross on my forehead, and then stamps my hands as if they were the wounds on the cross, and he goes silent. He comes back and he says God has so much to tell you. And through Marty God told me 4 things that were my heart cries:
1.) You have been set apart by me since the beginning, and you can see that when you look around you, like the prophet Jeremiah I have set you apart in order to be a prophet to the nations.
2.) This may seem confusing because I have also given you the pastoral heart of Timothy
3.) With this heart you are going to bring healing and redemption into the lives of my people
4.) I want to give you every gift that you need. I want to give you all that I have. I will give you all of me. Just do not hold back from. If you give me all of you, I will give you all of me, and with that we will change the world.
This is such a high calling, but it was one that my hard longed for, and when Marty spoke those prophetic my heart jumped into a place of peace where I was giving everything over to him, and I was just balling. Then God started to show me he was not lying. He sent me to a friend here and I prayed for her, and she busted down in tears saying I have been praying that someone would speak those words to me all day that you just told me. And while we were praying she said this is the first day that she has been happy for so long she cannot remember. God was already using me to bring the healing he said I would. It was such an uplifting moment of confirmation.
The Father Heart of God desires to tell his people his desire for his children, and he praises when they rejoice in that calling. God wants to tell you his plans for your life, just like he did with me. You are his child, and with you he is well pleased. Don't hold back God wants to love you because you are his daughter or his son. And when he speaks to you like he has spoken to me he empowers you to live a life that you would have ever dreamed. The Father Heart of God is a heart that empowers and heals!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Going Barefoot, Giving Up My Rights.
This first week of DTS has been crazy! God is so good, and He has been doing so much in my life preparing me to serve and follow Him. For my school, I have had to start by reading a book calling "Making Jesus Lord" by Loren Cunningham, and then yesterday I watched a teaching/movie by Loren Cunningham that spoke on the same principle of the book. Cunningham's main point is that through out the scriptures God's people have gone barefoot. Now going barefoot is a lot more significant than simply being with out shoes. You see being barefoot in those times was a sign of slavery and servitude. So, through out scriptures we see God asking us to take of our "shoes" for Him becoming barefoot for His kingdom. He asks Moses to take off his shoes at the burning bush because he was on Holy ground in front of his King, and Moses does it, and becomes His servant. God talks to Joshua and tells him on the ground where the soles of your feet take you I will give to you. In essence, when you take your shoes off, and you become my slave wherever I take you will be your inheritance. And then most importantly Jesus walks to the cross bruised, broken, and barefoot, not only as a slave to God to the Father, but as a slave to us, so that we may be free, and by doing that relinquished more rights and freedoms than we will ever know.
You see going barefoot is a sign of relinquishing. It is saying that I will be your servant, your slave. What I have learned this past week is that it is not whether you will take ever off your shoes and go barefoot, but it is to whom will you be barefoot, to whom will you be a slave, and there is only one King who in return for being His slave will He give you freedom, and that King is Jesus Christ. Jesus, is asking you to go barefoot for Him, and the amazing thing is like any other King that I know He did it first, so that we may know how, and even more amazing than that He has told us that if we commit to going barefoot for Him, He will do it for us. He will take of our shoes. He will use His strength in us to relinquish all that we are holding onto.
So, these past few days God has been working in me. He has shown me is amazing, outrageous, and undeserved love, that know matter what I do He still loves me 100%. He has shown me His gentleness and His strength, and has melted my heart so that one by one I have been led to relinquish my rights, to take off my "shoes" and go "barefoot" for Him. But this week has not been easy it has actually been really hard. Telling God that I am not going to worry about money and finances, when I still need over 3,000 dollars for outreach, is nerve wrecking and it tests my faith. But each day God graciously asks me to take off my shoes and let Him have control, assuring me that I will not be in need, that He will provide me with every penny that I need to go where He is leading me. So, taking off your shoes is not a one and your done deal. It is every day, and at times with certain issues even every hour. The cool thing is God is totally down with that, and every time we take off our shoes and give them to Him, He smiles and just wraps His around you and gives you the most loving, gratifying, and affirming hug you could every receive, and in that instant Heaven touches earth. But the list of what needs to be relinquished for me is longer than money, it includes marriage, the desire for kids (these three things may be the hardest for me), family, friends, my reputation, my debt, my name, my country, my comfortability, and even my life. But alas I know this is the best possible decision because the only way to assure that things are protected is to give them to God who is the only one that is big enough and smart enough to protect them from the world.
Each day God has taught me to ask what do I need to give to you today, and it may take the whole day to give it over, and sometimes I do not make it. But when I do. When I am able to see God clearly and freely give to Him everything that He has graciously given me I am freed from so many worries and concerns. So, at 8:55 a.m. the question is what I am still holding on to? What are you holding onto? May we learn to give them over to Jesus Christ. May we take off our shoes, and go barefoot for Him relinquishing everything that we have, including our freedom and our lives!
For whoever loses would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.
Luke 9:24
You see going barefoot is a sign of relinquishing. It is saying that I will be your servant, your slave. What I have learned this past week is that it is not whether you will take ever off your shoes and go barefoot, but it is to whom will you be barefoot, to whom will you be a slave, and there is only one King who in return for being His slave will He give you freedom, and that King is Jesus Christ. Jesus, is asking you to go barefoot for Him, and the amazing thing is like any other King that I know He did it first, so that we may know how, and even more amazing than that He has told us that if we commit to going barefoot for Him, He will do it for us. He will take of our shoes. He will use His strength in us to relinquish all that we are holding onto.
So, these past few days God has been working in me. He has shown me is amazing, outrageous, and undeserved love, that know matter what I do He still loves me 100%. He has shown me His gentleness and His strength, and has melted my heart so that one by one I have been led to relinquish my rights, to take off my "shoes" and go "barefoot" for Him. But this week has not been easy it has actually been really hard. Telling God that I am not going to worry about money and finances, when I still need over 3,000 dollars for outreach, is nerve wrecking and it tests my faith. But each day God graciously asks me to take off my shoes and let Him have control, assuring me that I will not be in need, that He will provide me with every penny that I need to go where He is leading me. So, taking off your shoes is not a one and your done deal. It is every day, and at times with certain issues even every hour. The cool thing is God is totally down with that, and every time we take off our shoes and give them to Him, He smiles and just wraps His around you and gives you the most loving, gratifying, and affirming hug you could every receive, and in that instant Heaven touches earth. But the list of what needs to be relinquished for me is longer than money, it includes marriage, the desire for kids (these three things may be the hardest for me), family, friends, my reputation, my debt, my name, my country, my comfortability, and even my life. But alas I know this is the best possible decision because the only way to assure that things are protected is to give them to God who is the only one that is big enough and smart enough to protect them from the world.
Each day God has taught me to ask what do I need to give to you today, and it may take the whole day to give it over, and sometimes I do not make it. But when I do. When I am able to see God clearly and freely give to Him everything that He has graciously given me I am freed from so many worries and concerns. So, at 8:55 a.m. the question is what I am still holding on to? What are you holding onto? May we learn to give them over to Jesus Christ. May we take off our shoes, and go barefoot for Him relinquishing everything that we have, including our freedom and our lives!
For whoever loses would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.
Luke 9:24
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Self Realization
This past Wednesday I was able to go to school with Jayme, to Kansas University, and I spent a better part of the day in the library reading and meditating, even though that was not the original intent for the day. It is weird how often may plans never work out like I plan them. Anyways I spent much of the day in the Psalms and in a book called "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas a Kempis. In the book there is a small section titled "How Truth is to be Learnt" and a Kempis has a brilliant quotation in this section. He says, "...our guesses at the truth can never be more than light obscured by shadow. The humble man's knowledge of himself is a surer way to God than any deep researches into truth." After reading that quote I prayed that he would show me myself, so that I may have a proper understanding of who I am, and that can be a very dangerous prayer. For more often than not we are much uglier and broken than the picutre that we paint of ourselves.
Today, I saw that clear as crystal in my life. It is not that today was bad. In fact, it has been amazing. I had a lot of fun hanging out with Jayme and David. We walked in a parade for Jayme's work and I made a complete fool of myself, but met a really cool guy name Phillip who was from South Africa and was a blast to hang out with, and then just had time to think and meditate while watching House, which I know is a weird combination, but it is what happened nonetheless. But as I was thinking back on today, and started to think about getting ready for the parad and when I was trying on the clothes I began to look at the thoughts that were going through my head, and I realized how insecure I really am. I put on a really good act in front of people. I act like I am comfortable with myself, and as if I believe I have something to offer to society, but that is not the case at all.
In reality, I am horribly insecure about my body. Like a lot of people I wish I could lose a few inches here, and tighten up there. I wish I exercised more, that I ran more, and that I would take better care of myself. I also realized that if I was honest with people I do not think I am worth being with anyone in a serious relationship. Basically I think that I am not good enough to be with the person that I desire, in a healthy romantic relationship like I long for. I looked at myself as I was thinking, and just said there is no way she would want to be with me, so I should just move on and be content with what I have, which may have some truth to it. And I looked at myself and saw how insufficient I am. I went to college for 4 years and I may be more lost and confused than when I began, and consistently wonder how God could ever use such a wretch like me. I talk a great game, but find my devotional life so lacking when God is so deserving. My prayer life has a lot to be desired. My knowledge of scripture is no where what it should be for a guy who graduated from college Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Bible and Theology. I guess that shows how messed up the world standards can be when a fool graduates with such a distinction. Today, I saw how truly broken and beat down I really am.
I wish I could stand here and say I am beautifully broken. I wish I could stand here and tell you that in this weakness I am truly strong. But I cannot, and I know I should. Because we are beautifully broken, and with the shards of our life God is creating a beautiful mosaic known as the Kingdom of God. A Kingdom of ragamuffins who see their weakness, and as a result do all that they can, which is rely on the strength of the King whom they serve and live for. But I do not have that power yet, and this is not to say I won't. This is just the beginning of my journey. The first step in overcoming a problem is to admit you have one, and that is not something knew we have all heard that probably hundreds of time. So, today I am broken, and tomorrow I am beautiful, even if it does happen that fast.
This probably goes with out saying but please don't feel bad for me, because I don't. This realization did not come with a lot pain. In fact, as weird as it may sound this view of myself came with joy, and a smile on my face from ear to ear. It was an answer to prayer. It was God showing His power. I have nothing to offer, and a lot to work on, and through that I have encountered God, and He has everything. Don't be afraid to be broken. Like me it may be your key to happiness!
Today, I saw that clear as crystal in my life. It is not that today was bad. In fact, it has been amazing. I had a lot of fun hanging out with Jayme and David. We walked in a parade for Jayme's work and I made a complete fool of myself, but met a really cool guy name Phillip who was from South Africa and was a blast to hang out with, and then just had time to think and meditate while watching House, which I know is a weird combination, but it is what happened nonetheless. But as I was thinking back on today, and started to think about getting ready for the parad and when I was trying on the clothes I began to look at the thoughts that were going through my head, and I realized how insecure I really am. I put on a really good act in front of people. I act like I am comfortable with myself, and as if I believe I have something to offer to society, but that is not the case at all.
In reality, I am horribly insecure about my body. Like a lot of people I wish I could lose a few inches here, and tighten up there. I wish I exercised more, that I ran more, and that I would take better care of myself. I also realized that if I was honest with people I do not think I am worth being with anyone in a serious relationship. Basically I think that I am not good enough to be with the person that I desire, in a healthy romantic relationship like I long for. I looked at myself as I was thinking, and just said there is no way she would want to be with me, so I should just move on and be content with what I have, which may have some truth to it. And I looked at myself and saw how insufficient I am. I went to college for 4 years and I may be more lost and confused than when I began, and consistently wonder how God could ever use such a wretch like me. I talk a great game, but find my devotional life so lacking when God is so deserving. My prayer life has a lot to be desired. My knowledge of scripture is no where what it should be for a guy who graduated from college Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Bible and Theology. I guess that shows how messed up the world standards can be when a fool graduates with such a distinction. Today, I saw how truly broken and beat down I really am.
I wish I could stand here and say I am beautifully broken. I wish I could stand here and tell you that in this weakness I am truly strong. But I cannot, and I know I should. Because we are beautifully broken, and with the shards of our life God is creating a beautiful mosaic known as the Kingdom of God. A Kingdom of ragamuffins who see their weakness, and as a result do all that they can, which is rely on the strength of the King whom they serve and live for. But I do not have that power yet, and this is not to say I won't. This is just the beginning of my journey. The first step in overcoming a problem is to admit you have one, and that is not something knew we have all heard that probably hundreds of time. So, today I am broken, and tomorrow I am beautiful, even if it does happen that fast.
This probably goes with out saying but please don't feel bad for me, because I don't. This realization did not come with a lot pain. In fact, as weird as it may sound this view of myself came with joy, and a smile on my face from ear to ear. It was an answer to prayer. It was God showing His power. I have nothing to offer, and a lot to work on, and through that I have encountered God, and He has everything. Don't be afraid to be broken. Like me it may be your key to happiness!
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