Quick to Forgive

God is so quick to forgive! I moved up to Fargo this past week, on Valentines Day actually. My first week in Fargo was amazing. I live with an amazing pastor and his wife. They are so hospitable and just fun to be around. The meetings I have been around have totally been set up by Jesus. People are eager and hungry to hear about God, and how we can partner together to help Jesus reach Fargo. I have already seen 2 churches come on and a small satellite city opened up. It just has been really dynamic.

I feel an expectation for something great to happen here in Fargo. God has something up His sleeve. I just feel it in my spirit. Something else in my spirit says it has to center on this big flood that is predicted for Fargo. All the news papers and government people say it is going to be big. In fact they are filling 3 million sandbags preparing for it. But to be honest, I do not think there is going to be a flood at all, which I know saying that comes at the stake of being weird and overly charismatic. I think God wants to mobilize His church to stand up and pray against it, and push back the flood gates. I think He wants to show Fargo He is indeed alive and the He loves them. But how do you share that with a city who has experienced a flood the past 4 years running? How do you share that to a city that you just walked into, and on top of that you are the young guy?

Honestly, I think that is only the beginning of the supernatural things that God wants to do up here in Fargo. I think He is mobilizing an army of young people/youth that will see people healed, that will dream dreams and have visions, and maybe even raise the dead if called to it. I think the reality talked about in the book of Joel is quickly approaching us. I think Fargo is about to see it first hand. How do you prepare for that? How do you voice that in a society that is so skeptical and censored (the Western world in general)?

Nonetheless this is what I feel God doing. I feel Him preparing us for something great, for something huge. It is going to take complete devotion and surrender to Him. It is going to take the faithful to truly lay own their lives from Him. I think I was called to lead out in this movement. I think IWT is a catalyst that is going to launch something bigger than what we could have ever dreamed. I get to be part of it.

My vision for Fargo is great. I want to mobilize youth groups. I want to serve the homeless and heal the sick. I want people to walk out of hospitals because the Son shined on them, and peopled were healed. I want to see the Church mobilized with all denominations, Lutherans, Catholics, Methodists, Baptists praying together because we are one church seeking one strategy to reach the community we are in. I want resources to be freely given and freely taken for the sake of spreading the Kingdom to another neighborhood. And honestly I don't just want to do that, but I feel called to do it. I feel called to be an idealist that makes the ideal reality. And at times it all sounds crazy to even me.

But I am excited and I am happy. God has put me in the perfect place to do it, with the perfect ministry, and the perfect mentors. I am working with churches, in charge of brining in new ones and expanding our family to all denominations, and opening up new cities. That really excites me. I love working with Christ's bride. It is so rewarding, and I get to run the prayer committee, which is near to my heart and so important. God has just set me up!

By now you are asking what does this all have to do with forgiveness. This is just Matt being an idealist and going on a rant. Well this weekend I lost all of that. I sinned. Satan attacked me, and I gave in and fell. I lacked discipline, and I paid for it. After I sinned I was filled with so much guilt and shame I thought I was unqualified and ruined. I thought I would never win, and I look at my vision and saw it was too lofty, because I was dirty and not good enough.

As I usually do I quickly went to God and asked for forgiveness, and nothing changed. Guilt and shame was still lingering over me. I knew I was forgiven, but I didn't feel it. I still felt dirty and unclean. Then I told my leader and friend, James. I confessed to him my sin, and immediately I felt God begin to clean me off and heal me. Then James told me something that is so crucial for us to understand. He said, "You are forgiven. Jesus does not even remember what you did. There is no probation period to forgiveness. He has completely forgiven you and moved on, and you need to do the same thing" (maybe not exact, but it is close).

The minute I heard that something changed in my heart. God reinstated me. It was like He gave me the power to forgive myself. He told me all that He had for me never changed because I messed up. He assured me I was growing, and said He was so proud of me. He actually told me I was too hard on myself. Most of all He told me that He loved me and that would never change, and that He is always quick to forgive and reinstate us.

He forgave me. He healed me. He cleansed me. He reinstated me. And now the sky is the limit. And He is quick to forgive, so that all may join in. No one is exempt. God forgiveness is limitless, complete, and immediate. There is no one He want forgive. That is the God I serve and love to talk about. Now, I cannot wait to see what He is about to do!

Finally Moving Up to Fargo!

I know it has been a long time coming. Many of you heard that I was moving up to Fargo almost a month ago. But the day is finally here. I will be moving up to Fargo Monday, and will be living up there at least until October when the campaign goes through the Fargo area, which we have termed the Red River Valley with the local people.

So, why the delay? Why has it taken me a little over a month to finally move up to Fargo? The reason is that the Lord wanted to teach me something. He actually wanted to teach me a lot of things. He wanted to destroy the pride in my heart, so that I could receive His love. He wanted to destroy the pride in my heart, so that I could actually help people. He wanted to destroy the pride in my heart, so that I could see that I have nothing, but in that confession He would give me everything. He wanted me to receive the Kingdom that I had been denying by trying to maintain a prideful image of myself that was never true, and was in all reality killing me and granting me death.

For the past month the Lord has been drawing me into His presence and encountering me like never before. In fact, at the beginning of this journey He asked me to set aside 2 hours a day, so He could spend more time with me. It was the best decision I ever made, and surprisingly it was easy for the most part. I mean there were days it was hard to go to the prayer room and sit, but once I got there it was always amazing. God was so faithful to meet me and talk to me. He indwelt in me so that it was easy to stay in His presence for hours on hours. It had nothing to do with me being awesome and disciplined because the reality is that I am not. In fact, one of my biggest worries in going up to Fargo is whether or not I will be able to engage with the Lord in this same way, because it is so crucial to the Christian life.

It was in these times that God had spoken with me, and was dealing with the lies and the pain that was inside that I felt for the first time that I really had something to offer that could change the world. The Lord gave me amazing vision for Fargo and for the Impact World Tour, and even for the world in general. He communicated to me amazing truths about His heart for me and His kingdom. It was truly a dynamic one that is worth sharing, but there is so much to share. He took me up to His throne room and put me in His presence where every disease, worry, and affliction is removed and replaced with love, mercy, and grace.

For the first time I realized this this was not metaphorical. It is real. You can literally go to a place where all of your pain and hurts are wiped away. You do not have stop living to go there. Heaven is not some place that we cannot experience in the here and now. All that we have to do is stop denying God's love. We just give up our preconceived notions of what life is. We stop trying to live and ask God what to do, and then gently He wraps His arms around us and He lifts us up to Heaven and He heals us and gives us peace. He makes things right. This is what every Christian has to offer to the world. The path or way to God and His throne. We cannot offer some great sermon or awesome prayer. Those mean nothing in and of them self, but we know the way to the Father. It is the way that was given to us through and by Jesus and is empowered by the Holy Spirit. This is all that we have to offer, and this is why it has taken me a month to get to Fargo. It was the way home that Jesus was teaching me this last month. It was what He had to show me before I could go to Fargo.

Now I know the way, and now I am going to Fargo. I am a little nervous because I feel like I have a lack of vision and direction, even though God has given me more the enough. I am just not use to living with so simple instructions that seem kind of vague. I usually have more direction, more tasks. So this is all a little weird to me. It is a new way of life living with no need to strive and do things. My only job is to go to the throne every day to hang out with Jesus, and when I am able bring people with me, which is awesome.

I am nervous also because I feel a little empty, like my tire that has been made flat. I was on a mountain top Wednesday, and now I am little down, feeling a little lost and overwhelmed. But God has assured me I know the way, and the way has much to offer. Even though it seems vague. It is very powerful. Through us just simply loving God and loving God with people God shows up and miracles and supernatural things happen, because God is just so good. It is a simple lesson, but one that took me a little long to learn.

So, Monday, I am heading up to Fargo and I am stoked. I have nothing to offer and that is awesome, because now I can just love Jesus and there is no stress to perform attached. Through loving Jesus He will lead me to people and to places, and He will pour out and show me awesome things about who He is, and in that people will get saved, people will be healed, and a city will be changed. That is exciting, and I get to be a part of it just by simply loving Jesus, nothing more and nothing less. Great things are sure to happen.

In fact, He is already doing great things in Fargo. Last weekend was amazing. We had our launch weekend in Fargo. In our discipleship seminar we were able to begin training 70 leaders who will begin to work on opening neighborhood network centers across the region in conjunction with the local church. Praise God. We also saw God raise a little over $90,000 for the campaign, which means we have already raised 1/3 of our budget. And last weekend we are able to book our first venue at the Scheels Arena in Fargo. God is opening up so many doors to help bring transformation in Fargo. It is awesome to watch. It is almost like Fargo is a gift to me and the ministry. God just wants to show me what He can do, and it is 100% worthy of praise. We definitely serve an awesome God!

I would really appreciate your prayers for the move up there. Also, want to ask that you would pray for the team as we begin to encounter High Schools to schedule outreaches as well as other local churches to partner with them. Pray that we would walk in the grace and favor of the Lord. The last thing I want to ask that you would pray for is that God would continue to bless me with a fervency and desperation for prayer and His word, as we seek to build my inner man together. He is truly doing awesome things in me each day. Again, thank you all for your prayers and support! You all are a huge part of everything God is doing!

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One last thing I want to share with you. God has blown my mind this week with this one verse. Look up Isaiah 54:10. After you read it. Research the phrase about throwing the mountains into the sea, and why it is so widely used in the Bible. Then reread that verse. God will rock your world. At least He did mine. His love is so good! Let me know what He tells you. I am really curious to hear what you all hear through this verse. God bless!

Launching Fargo

Hey everybody,

I wanted to take this time to update you on how the tour is going in Fargo. For those of you who have no idea about what I am talking about, I work/volunteer with a ministry called the Impact World Tour (IWT) as a coordinator, organizing city outreaches and discipleship networks. The heart of IWT is to partner with local leadership across the country and the world to help mobilize and awaken the body of Christ to prayer, evangelism, and discipleship to reach this emerging generation. You can also visit www.ywamcampaigns.org to get more info on who we are, or you can just ask me and we can have a great conversation!

The tour up in Fargo however is doing very well. We, with the locals, have decided to call the tour, Impact Red River Vally, so that it applies to the whole region we are trying to reach. Right now we are forming/finalizing our local executive committee that will provide local leadership to the region. In addition, to that we should have our office found and set up in Fargo within the next few weeks. These are huge answers to prayer, and a testimony of God's faithfulness to provide!

Next weekend will be a pivotal weekend in launching the tour in the Red River Valley. On Friday and Saturday (February 4th and 5th), we will be holding our first training/seminar in the area for discipleship that will give the community an introductory look on starting Neighborhood Network Centers through out Fargo in schools, restaurants, coffee shops, homes, etc. This training will then be followed with other trainings sessions provided by us, as well as trainings offered by local youth leaders and Children's Evangelism Fellowship (CEF). We are excited with where God is leading us. He is really calling us to focus on starting these Neighborhood Network Centers to help form a Discipleship Network that will reach out to the community in the neighborhoods. This seminar is the first step in that process.

In addition, to the Discipleship Seminar on Friday and Saturday, we will be having a major dessert banquet on Saturday night, February 5th. The banquet will help us further spread the vision of the Discipleship Networks and IWT to Red River Valley. Currently we have 40 people RSVP'd with still 20 more table hosts waiting to send in their lists. So, we are praying and believing for around 150-200 people to show up. In addition to vision casting, the banquet will be a major push to help us raise the budget needed to have the tour in the Fall. This is a major part of us launching the tour in Fargo.

On Sunday (February 6th) we will have our first Church Kick-Offs up in Fargo. So far we have 3 churches scheduled. CKO's are a major part of spreading the vision and mobilizing the region. Our main goal in a CKO is to awaken the church to the urgency and need for evangelism and discipleship. Especially since it is reported that only 2% of Christians are regularly sharing their faith, and only 4% of this emerging generation are attending church/actively seeking Jesus. It is in these presentations that we help come alongside the local church and encourage them to work with us as we seek God to spur revival in the community. We will ask the church to participate in 3 ways pray, give, and serve. First we encourage them to begin praying for God to reach their community, as well as specific family members and friend that they want to share the gospel with. Then we lead them to seek the Lord to see if they are called to invest financially into this vision, and to give only what they hear from Jesus to give, nothing more and nothing less. The key is obedience, not how much is given. Then we end by asking each believer to volunteer with us and become a part of organizing outreaches in the local high schools and developing a discipleship network that will disciple and reach out the region.

Needless to say we are very busy and excited as we approach this weekend. It will definitely set the tone for this upcoming year in Fargo, and so far it is looking very promising. It would be awesome if you could join us in prayer as we are praying for the local church in Fargo and the surrounding communities. Please pray for the banquet and seminar that they would be well attended and effective in communicating the vision and message that Christ has for the area, and pray for protection and wisdom for all of those are involved in organizing and putting on these exciting events.

God bless,

Matt

P.S. Please join me in prayer as I am seeking the Lord for provision. A major struggle that I am facing right now is finances. The Lord has communicated to me that I am in the right place and to be patient, but I am slowly falling behind on my bills, specifically my student loans. Right now this really is my biggest block to ministry and staying with IWT and spreading the gospel, so I am praying for breakthrough and following God as He directs me. He is more than faithful to provide, but would love some prayer partners!

True Worthiness - The Love of God

Have you ever thought that you were completely unworthy? As a result there was this constant pressure to strive and achieve just so that you could feel important. After awhile you actually thought you were important. You thought you were smart and worthy. Inside part of you actually believed you could do it on your own. Your pride had grown out of control from this one thought; you are not worthy.

You thought the response to this idea was to strive to obtain your worthiness; in fact this is what you were taught and had drilled into you from all those around you. You never thought that seeking God for His vision of you could possibly be the answer. You never imagined that the answer could be admitting your unworthiness to God, so that He would fill you and make you worthy. Then once you learned this truth you didn’t know how to let that truth in and become reality. You couldn’t accept the truth that your worth comes from simply being a child of the most-high God. All that you could hear and believe was that you are not worthy. You must strive to be better, and earn your way; earn your acceptance.

This lie caused you to live in fear. What if I mess up? What if I do not do this right? Am I praying enough? Am I reading enough? Am I righteousness enough for the plans that God has for me? Etc. Every word and message that you heard from God was then filtered through these questions of fear. You never felt truly accepted no matter how many times people told you that you were. You always worried about not doing enough or doing something wrong that would eventually chase those people away from your life. This made repentance and confession hard, which made getting prayers from your brothers and sisters rather difficult, which then blocked the healing and cleansing promised in Scripture that you so desperately desired to be true in your life (James 5:16, 1 John 1:9).

Now with all of this fear and guilt just piling on to you it was impossible to clearly hear and take in the words of God. All you wanted was a word of God to come to you, to comfort you, and to guide you. You heard His words come from sermons and songs. You even heard His gentle whisper as you took time in silence to seek Him, but nothing availed. Every word was swarmed with questions and doubts. This is too good to be true. I only heard that because that is what I want. This could not be God that will never work. This doesn’t line up with His character; as you sought to defend how this couldn’t be true when it probably was, but you were just so scared of being wrong and messing up, and constantly wondering how this would make people think of you. You had to defend and protect the prideful image of yourself that had been created in your mind.

With all of this fear and insecurity you did not know what to believe. All of a sudden ideas and visions from God that you have based your life on started to come into question. Is this all reality or just a pleasant fantasy to hide the pain? Nothing made sense, and you were lost as you tried to protect the prideful obsession of being good and worthy. Your life literally began to fall apart.

Well, as you probably already know, since this is my blog, this is my story. This is where I found myself 2 weeks ago. Pride has infected every area of my life manifested in this one lie, I am not worthy. As a result, I have not been able to make decisions in my ministry because what if they are wrong. Financially, I am a mess because I live off support, but I cannot ask for support because I am unworthy. So, I am in a nest of debt and despair, and feeling completely unworthy to ask for help to get out, instead feeling I should just get a job and leave my calling to make money, because there is just so much uncertainty. And the list just goes on, as it has affected my relationships, my family, and my God, or how I truly view Him.

However, something happened 2 weeks ago. As I prayed with a friend, Joel McGill, God broke in, and He showed me the lie, and He showed me the truth. I am completely unworthy on my own, but I am not on my own anymore. Right now, as I type this, I am worthy, and it has nothing to do with what I have done or will do, but everything to do with God saying I am worthy and speaking that worth into existence. I can do nothing, but in that admittance I can do everything as God does it through me. I cannot come up with a plan to get me out of debt, but God can give me one. I do not have the courage and faith to listen and obey His words, but God will empower me to obedience. I am completely prideful and arrogant and nothing I do will make me humble, but telling God I am hopeless in my pride and need Him will lead Him to respond. He will break through and give me humility, and He will teach and enable me to live empty, so He can fill and radiate through me to do the things I could never do. In fact, I have learned this is what Christianity is all about, God living and loving in us.

So, I have begun a journey to truly learn that it is ok to be weak and broken. I am learning how to live that out, and not just make it head knowledge and lip service. That really does nothing other than causing you to live in hopelessness and despair as you realize you will never measure up, but vainly trying to make the mark anyway. Learning to live this way is so hard. I feel like I am dying every day, as my pride is being peeled off. I feel like God is calling me to things I could never do, and I am just scared. I do not know how to live like this. How do I live without tasks orienting my life, and giving me things to achieve and strive for? I mean that is what has made my days since I can remember. With all of this questioning of what and how God has been repeating to me 3 words every day. “Just love me!” Stop striving and just love me!

In fact, it is the new rule, without striving and legalism, and it is producing something great inside of this prideful person in desperate need of Christ. Nothing else matters. It does not matter how many people you heal or save, or how much scripture you read and memorize. What matters is did you love God? Did I say I love you to Jesus yet? Does the Holy Spirit know that I cannot live without talking to Him, because that is how much I love Him? Does the Father know that I love Him more than all things I ask of/from Him? I do not want to complete my tasks without loving Jesus and knowing He loves me. I want to complete them as a result of that love. I have learned that everything God has asked me to do is only so that I can learn more about Him, and experience more of His love. The task does matter as much as the time spent with God while doing the task. The reason for the journey is Jesus. The task just gives us something extra to do along the way.

Please pray for me as I have a long way to go in this journey of humility and complete reliance on Jesus. I know that I am in desperate need of your prayers. I cannot do this on my own. I have been trying for too long on my own with no results, and God’s promises are stronger than that. The prayers of my brothers and sisters in the faith are powerful and effective. Your prayers are powerful and effective. So please, pray for freedom in the realm of purity, but everywhere. Pray that I would rest in the beauty of God, and the beauty that He sees me in. Pray that I would have the strength and power to continue on the path God is laying, but ultimately pray that I would stop striving, so that God can work out His plan in my life.

I love you, and my prayer is that God’s grace would have already encountered you as you started reading this blog. I pray that with the first word you read you began to feel His tangible presence in your life. May freedom, power, and love reign in your life through the power of Jesus Christ, the Father, and the Holy Spirit. God bless and Amen!

Where I am

I never realized how hard it is to write about myself, but for the sake of keeping people up to date and involved here I go. As I reflect on where I am right now there really is only one thing that I am certain of, and that is the vision God has given me. It is the vision that I have given my life to, and it is what guides my path. I guess you could say I am a slave to this vision, but I would not have it any other way, because while it may control me it also gives me life beyond my wildest dream. Unfortunately, it is a dream and vision that I have rarely articulated and let people know about.

The vision has two main parts, but focuses on one main goal. That one goal is simple. It is to complete the Great Commission, so that every tribe, tongue, and nation may be discipled with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The first part of this vision has to do with a database that is being formed with a group of people. Essentially, the database will link every Christian with a place for them to be able to serve God’s kingdom in their calling and passion. I believe that right now many people are given great visions by God, but have no idea how to get to where God has called them. My vision is that this database would bridge the gap linking people into their God given destiny through multiple steps and interfaces. Ultimately, it is through this database that I believe God will be able to launch a 2^nd Student Volunteer Movement, and if you do not know what that is I would encourage you to google, the Student Volunteer Movement to read about the first one. I believe the database is integral in mobilizing the church to where God desires each individual to be. There is a lot more to do that database, and how that will all unfold but that is a broad stroke of what it is.

In addition, to this global vision with the database, which was not done incredible justice with the paragraph above, God has given me some specific vision overseas. I believe God has called me to be part of a major evangelistic push in the country of Germany that will consume the entire country with the Gospel. As the Gospel begins to take root and bring transformation in Germany it will then launch itself into the rest of Europe. As this grows I believe it will provide the Kingdom with a mission force that will not only be able to mobilize Africa, but will provide the African continent with the infrastructure it has been waiting for. With that infrastructure in place Africa will have the ability to finally launch in mass number its people into the world. I believe that Africa really is a sleeping giant waiting to explode for the Gospel, and I feel God has called me to be a part of it.

In many ways this is my life right now. This huge vision consumes my thoughts and my prayers. It is all I think about. It is often very overwhelming, and I constantly wonder how something so big could ever be achieved. But then I am reminded and remember that it is not my vision. It is God’s and I just need to be patient for Him to act and to tell me to move.

So, why I am in IWT and focused in America. There a couple of reasons actually. First, is that I believe that IWT could have a big part in evangelizing Germany, but only time will tell. It certainly is not in the vision of IWT currently, but it is my dream and vision that one day it will be. Maybe when I actually talk to them about it. Also, IWT is a place of maturity for me. I am surrounded by amazing people who are providing amazing mentorships. God is pruning me. He is developing my character as a man of God, and teaching me how to mobilize and direct His kingdom, which is His calling on my life. Right now God is teaching me a lot of that practicals in that calling.

However, everything is not roses. There are a lot of things that constantly are on my heart. The first is, I constantly wonder if this all is just a fantasy. With how big the vision is I constantly question whether this is me or God, but when I look at the depth and gravity of the vision I realize there is no way someone like me could have come up with this. And then God brings me to a passage in Isaiah to encourage me, Isaiah 49: 1-7, and I realize that I don’t even see all of the vision. Despite how big this vision seems it is still smaller for all that God has for me.

Besides for questioning, I also miss my family a great deal. I hear a lot of their struggles, and wish I could be home. I wish I could be there to help. It is hard not to think that if I was home I could help them. Many of them don’t know Jesus, and not being home makes that reality even harder, because I feel so helpless in sharing with them the beauty of Jesus. My heart weighs for them, and I know that all I can do is put them in God’s hands, which is the best place for them to be. I know God will show Himself to them. I just need to be patient and persistent in prayer and obedient as He leads me to do whatever He is calling me to. Despite the feeling of helplessness I am very hopeful. I know one day they will fall love with Jesus, and He will take away their pain and tears. I cannot wait for that day!

Then there are my finances. Despite constant reminder not to worry, I do. I have almost $50,000 in student debt as interest continues to build on them. I am living on barely $500 a month, but somehow I always get by. God is always faithful. I will need to soon start paying on all my student loans, and those alone will take $700 a month. I figure that I will need to raise soon at least $2000 a month to get out of debt. I wonder where all the money is going to come from. I wonder what I can do in order to make it, and I wonder if I am doing enough. I feel like I need to be more confident in support raising, but with the economy the way it is I feel so ashamed to ask people for their money. Even though I know I am where God wants me it is still hard to be confident and ask. It is a very daunting giant in my life to say the least. In all of this I know God will be faithful. I know He will provide, but sometimes it weighs on my heart, and in those times I need to learn to rest in the character of God.

The last really big struggle is loneliness. I have the best roommates and an awesome family in ministry. But there are still times I long for someone to share it all with. They are not often, but they are there. I know that one day it will happen, and it is these times of loneliness that I see why God said it is not good for man to be alone. However, I also know that I have a lot of growing to do before that can happen. While at times this is horrible it has been really been an amazing time of God showing me that He is sufficient for me, and it is in these times I have learned How awesome it is to have God as my Dad and best friend. And it is these times I hear God clearer than ever and feel His arms embrace me with is warmth.

So, this is where I am right now. I am really excited for what is ahead. The tour in Fargo and Northern Minnesota is really exciting. I am not sure what God is doing yet, but I have an intense expectancy for Him to show up. I feel this season will be really hard, but in that I will learn and grow a lot, and see His Kingdom really advance. Once I get back I will be working to organize a banquet and discipleship seminar that will help spread IWT’s vision for the tour and begin to mobilize the local community and get their input into that vision, which is really exciting for me. The local church is really stepping up, so it should all go well, but I would love your prayers as we lead up to those two events.

Also, right now I am praying into the possibility of taking online classes to continue my education and get my masters degree. I feel a strong draw to seminary again. However, those prayers just began, and I have not received any real clear direction, but really like the possibility. If I did the classes would be online and modular, so that I could stay in the mission field, which I know is where I need to be.

In addition, to that me and the guys are praying into a short term trip to Germany to meet people and just pray into our vision and calling to evangelize the country to get God’s wisdom and guidance.

So, there is a lot going on. But it is so good, and I am so blessed for the life God leads me in. I would not trade it for anything in the world, despite all the questions and ups and downs. It is what I have always hoped for an adventure, a life worth living. It is never boring and always keeps me on my toes, which lets me see God’s power day in and day out.

Well I hope that gives you a look into my heart and life, and would love to talk to you all about any part of that. I am an open book, and want to share my story and life with anyone willing to take part. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope at some level it encourages you and/or spurs you on in your walk with Christ. God bless!

Matt

A "Radical" New Year

We have made it to another year. What will happen this year? How different will we be at the beginning of next year compared to right now? How will we change? How are we going to advance the Kingdom? There are so many questions that run through my mind as I approach this New Year. They are not nagging questions, but ones that make me think, and definitely lead me into prayer. There are so many options and paths to take.

As I look at this New Year I have been brought into it with a really good message. Last week I had the privilege to read a book called “Radical” by David Platt, since I have had time in Iowa to relax with my roommates. I am not sure the effect the book will have on my life, but I think the words in the book are revolutional. I do not mean revolutional in the means that they are new, and are breaking new ground, because actually the words in the book are thousands of years old, because they are really Jesus’ words. They are revolutional because if they are actually taken to heart then things will change, and that is what I am trying to do. I am trying to change. I want to become more like Jesus. I want the sin in my life to decrease, and my devotion to God and His kingdom to increase, and I think the book leads me in that direction.

Simply stated the book challenges all Christians in America to rise above the American dream, which in many cases is keeping us from the beauty of Christianity, which I know is a powerful and controversial statement. For so many the American dream has been what we were taught to live and strive for, so when we say that we are to break free from it well for many of us that is to give up life as we know it, because that is what our life has been, striving for the American dream. It is centered on us and our work ethic. It is about how much we can acquire, the statuses we can achieve, and getting what we want if we work hard enough.

The problem is that centers on us, and even when we bring God into this picture He only becomes a means to an end rather than the end itself. What really becomes god is the American dream, and thus an idol. You see the beauty of Christianity is that we aren’t suppose to do it on our own with our own strength and effort. We are suppose to strive by the power of God, and we are not suppose to strive for some illusive prize. We are suppose to strive for Him. He is the end. The end is not some picture of the perfect life that will rust and be eaten by the moths.

Now the beauty in all of this is that God wants us to make it to Him, so instead of us just working to get to the prize our Prize is also working to get to us. In fact, the Prize has done most of the work, because that is how much He wants us to get to Him. That is the beauty of Christianity. This is what makes the American dream so antithetical to God’s plan. The American dream is soaked in humanism, and puts all the pressure on us, but God’s plan is soaked in Him, and He is more than able to handle the weight. He then gives Himself to us as a gift, and all we have to do is receive. However, to receive Him we have to give the American dream up, and stop striving.

This is hard for two reasons. The first reason is that we have to give up our own life for the sake of receiving God. Whatever we pictured as the American dream we have to say is not as good as getting God, and then let it go because of God’s insurmountable worth. For some that literally means giving up an entire lifetime and considering it lost. Now, that takes a lot of humility and at times repentance. It is hard to say that all that I have been striving for, for so long is worthless because it is not the life that God wants for me.

This is why the words of Jesus to the rich, young ruler are so relevant to us today. God is calling us to a completely different life style that is not about how much we can store up, but about how much we can receive and pour out. It is a huge shift, and for many that is a radical lifestyle. It is radical for generosity and a servant attitude to take over, but that is the fruit and evidence of living in the Kingdom. It is what Jesus’ love motivates us to do, because our only desire becomes to serve and exemplify Him here on earth. This is why we must be freed from the American dream, because it literally is the exact opposite of the life Jesus has designed for us, and empower us to do. We are meant to give and glorify him, but inherently the American dream calls us to acquire and glorify ourselves, but God’s vision for our lives is much bigger than our selves. Praise God!

The other reason that it is hard is that it takes complete faith or trust in a society that makes it hard to trust in anything. And we are living in a system that is all about what you can do, not someone else.

However, Jesus says, “All you need to do is have faith in me and love me. I have made the way for you, and I am preparing a room for you. All you need to do is receive. I will give you all that you need if ask in My name. This is not about you. It is about me and my power. It is about what I can do, and what I can do through you. All you need to do is trust in me and follow me and what I tell you. I will do the heavy lifting.”

Most people just cannot accept this. It sound foolish and/or to good to be true, and it is just scary to lose control in a world that puts all the pressure on you. But when we know our God it makes complete sense, and when we know His love, it casts out all fear. It just takes faith and relationship, and this is where the power of God lies. His power lies in a relationship that gives you the trust and ability to stop striving and to put anything in His hands. This takes away the burdens. It makes the yoke easy, and finally grants us peace. However, it is a shift in paradigm and mindset, which can be tough. It will cause us to kill our pride, and that can hurt. However, if we commit to this it is beautiful, and more than worth the price. It is like a field with a treasure that when you walk upon it you sell everything to by the land and obtain the treasure, because it far surpasses anything you have had up to that point.

This is where I hope my 2011 takes me. I hope this year I break completely free from the American dream into something greater. I want to live in the beauty of Christianity. I want to strive for God, and have Him strive for me, and then we can gloriously run into each other arms embraced in an intimate love relationship. I want to once and for all take the weight of the world off of my shoulders, so that God can be God again, and I can do what He created me for. I pray that this relationship will spur me to do things I have only dreamed before. I want to live in radical abandonment to my own self. I want to give away more than I could imagine. I want to sacrifice for the sake of others. I want to lose my life, my dream, so that I can gain God, and then He can resurrect it in glory and power. This year I want it to be clear which kingdom I serve. No more sitting on the fence. I want to be diligent for God, and completely diligent in seeking Him in everything I do and face. This is the path I am choosing, and will need help and your prayers to stay on, so please join me in being “radical.”

I want to end by thanking David Platt for his book, and taking the time to write it. I know the words he wrote will truly be revolutional in my life, and that God will produce great fruit from them.

Also, thank you God. I love you Dad. Thank You for sending Jesus to bring me to You. May my 2011 glorify You and advance Your Kingdom. Sorry, for when I have fallen short, but thank You for forgiveness and the power to learn and grow from those mistakes that You have already forgotten. You are my Dad, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, my Creator and I could not be happier. Serving and following in love with You was the best decision I have made and the greatest gift I could receive. All praise to You Dad!

For all who read this blog, God bless you! And I pray that you will be empowered to live a “radical” 2011. The world needs it. In fact, it is desperate for it, but then so are you, because it is the life God has destined for you, and it is the best life you could imagine. Therefore, settle for nothing less. You won’t be disappointed. I ask for grace and peace for you, beyond what you could dream and comprehend. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Also, I feel I have not really talked much about myself, my heart, or my dreams, which I feel defeats the purpose of what this blog is suppose to do, which is keep you informed on how and what I am doing. So, I want to give you a better like into all of that. My next blog will hopefully give you a better picture of where I am at, and what I am dreaming and visioning of. I am trying to think of a good way to put all that into one blog, but it will be posted later this week. I love you guys, and thank you for your prayers and support. They literally keep me going, as I purse Christ and His kingdom!

A Season of Expectancy and Purity

Have you ever had one of those seasons where every turn you make your heart jumps with expectation. You are not really sure what to expect, but you are sure you are suppose to expect something. It may be good, or it may be bad, but it feels good. However, all you know is that something is about to happen, and you need to brace yourself for whatever it is, because whatever it is going change everything. Once whatever that is going to happen, actually happens, you will never be the same. So, you wait in an eager expectation for whatever it is, longing for what is to come.

Well that is the season that I am in. I am certain whatever happens will be good, and not bad. However, that does not mean that it will not be hard. In fact, whatever is going to happen I am almost certain will be hard. I figure there will be a little of pain involved and even some confusion. But that is why it is awesome that God is my Guide and Comforter, because I know He will get me through. He will make straight paths, and if there are tears he will catch them and count them, and will guard my heart beyond all understanding, because that is type of God He is.

Like I said, I cannot exactly put my finger on what is going to take place. I know going to Fargo/Minnesota has a huge part to do with it, and that it will bring purity and righteousness into my life. This transformation that God is going to bring will take away a lot of the muck and mire that is my currently blocking my vision, and will bring a new found intimacy with God and deeper vision into His Kingdom. Basically, my heart will become more in tune with what God is saying. I will become more aligned with His will. In fact, in one prayer session I was told this season will prepare me to make decisions for His kingdom on a moments notice knowing the decision I make is God's decision, because I will be so intimate with God that His will, will be my only desire. Now, that folks is a pretty exciting to hear, and also somewhat intimidating.

I look at my life now with all of the struggles and sin, and wonder, "How can it be? How could my life ever look like that? Why would God ever look to me to make those decisions?" And all I hear God saying is that, “It will be, because that is who He made me to be. It is His gift to me, and that I just need to rest in Him, and in due time all things will come.”

Some of you are probably in the same situation. God has called you to something, and you feel completely inadequate, or you just feel generally inadequate and unworthy. And just like God is whispering words of encouragement and empowerment to me. He is doing the same for you. He is saying to you, "You are my son/daughter. These dreams are what I have made you for. They are my gift to you. I have made you worthy, and you do not have to keep striving. Rest in me. There is something coming. Be expectant. Long for the change I am bringing. Contend for the change. It may hurt a little, but it is good. It will prepare you for what is to come. No matter what keep going because I am with you. I am going to change the world with you, because I love you." I love it when Dad tells me those things.

The good thing is that God's plans for us are beyond our belief. I am just starting to see mine. I see that God has called me to unite His Kingdom, and to network it together. I am supposed to be a force that mobilizes a movement of missions into the world. He has called me to help serve of a movement of evangelism in Germany, and ultimately to provide infrastructure that will launch a mighty movement of outreach in and from Africa to the world. Hearing that blows my mind, and even makes me seem like a crazy idealist that does not have one ounce of realism. But that is only the beginning of God's plan for me. It is a taste of what is to come. The fraction he has allowed me to see. I know there is more, and there is more for you, and it may be even bigger. In fact, my prayer is that it is, because that would be awesome. God has such plans for us. We need to be expectant. We would be foolish not to.

Now the coolest thing about all of this is that our sin does not disqualify us from our vision. These dreams and desires that we have to save/change the world are God's gift to us, and He will do whatever He can to make sure that we unwrap them. Sin may keep them from us, but that is more of our choice than God's. The sin causes us to question our selves, and puts chains on us. It makes us tired and groggy. We begin to question God, His character, and His desire for our lives. We start to see Him as the culprit for all of the evil things in our life. Then we throw away the dreams He has given us, as rubbish and foolish, and move to a more practical and powerless lifestyle that matches our worthiness.

This to a certain extent has described my life. Not to the extent that I completely threw away God or His vision for my life, but to the point that I thought I was not worthy and would never attain His dream for me. It stole His peace from me as I sat up at night thinking I had lost it because I sinned. I had lied again, or I had looked at the horrible stuff one more time. For sure this time God has scaled back His dreams for me, and walked away. His promises cannot be valid anymore. I have lost them.

Meanwhile God was saying to me, "Matt my visions and dreams for you are still true. I still am going to give them to you. In fact, not only will I give them to you, but I will set your free from the lies, from the insecurity that causes them. I will set you free from the lust and the porn, and I will strip you of the loneliness and lack of self-worth that thrusts you to sin. I then will make you a force against these things, and will give you authority to bring healing into these areas. All you have to do is come back to me. I have already forgiven you. Please, forgive yourself."

I realized He was pleading for me to repent and forgive myself. He was so eager to make me forget because He already had. He showed me His vision for me, and told me to expect all of the things He showed me because they were coming, and they are only going to be a taste of what is to come. He led me to humility and repentance, and through that He is stripped all of the shame, fear, and guilt that sin had used to rob me of God's vision and peace for my life. He led me back to Himself, and this week at the office was a huge part of that.

Wednesday, we had an intense time of prayer for each other. At the very end I got prayed for. I asked them to pray for healing for me because us of all the crap I had looked at. We listened to God for strategy and wisdom on how to pray, and God gave us some awesome words, and then we prayed following His instructions. One of things He told me was to be expectant that today everything would change. I went into prayer expecting, which for me is hard. I was looking for fireworks, for an overcoming experience with the Lord. It did not come. At least not like I thought it would for anyone there it was just seemed normal, but when we were done something was different. I was lighter, and my Spirit was changed. I still cannot explain it, but I had my vision back, and I was free. I am free. That is what the Kingdom does. It offers freedom for all of those who will humble themselves and ask for it. When we let the Kingdom in. We let Heaven in, and it makes ALL things right.

Going through this process is why I have seemed very distracted and preoccupied lately. I have been fighting a war in my mind. God has been speaking amazing promises and visions into my life that are completely life giving, and I have thrown chains over myself making them impossible. I have focused on my sin and the circumstances around me, and thereby allowed the shame, fear, and guilt associated with them to bolt me down. Leading me to consistently questioned God's vision and words to me. It made me a real party pooper.

Praise God, something has shifted in the Heavenlies, because of people’s prayers and God’s faithfulness. Now I am in a season of purity and expectation. I have been freed to truly dream and vision with an expectant that is free of disqualification. God is cleaning out the trash, and that hurts every now and then, but is so exciting to be clean. It gives me confidence and new found authority in Him. Fargo is going to be awesome, and I cannot wait. God has dreams for me, and He has dreams for you. We are not disqualified. We are His chosen ones! Things are going to change!